


The Chat

by j_knight13



Series: Chess's James Bond Things [2]
Category: GoldenEye (1995), James Bond (Craig movies), James Bond (Movies)
Genre: Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Group chat, Humour, Q is a Holmes, Q makes a group chat for work purposes, R is a major game of thrones fangirl, Teasing, getting drunk, kinda introductory thing for my double-oh OCs, lots of humour, so it's used for anything but, stupid URLs, then there's the double-ohs, what happens when Chess is bored
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-02
Updated: 2018-08-02
Packaged: 2019-06-20 12:34:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,325
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15534363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/j_knight13/pseuds/j_knight13
Summary: Q creates a group chat for the Double-ohs to use on missions. Of course, it's used for anything but, much to his exasperation.





	The Chat

**Author's Note:**

> The characters and their usernames. I've got about seven unpublished works with this lot in them, rotting in my word doc. Might publish them one day... For now, this is those characters when they're not in life-or-death situations and can afford to fuck around a bit.
> 
>  
> 
> 1- Scarlett Tramell- CrimsonLikeBlood  
> 2- Tim (Thomas) Harrison- secondisbest  
> 3- Michael Taylor- TinkerTaylorSoldierSpy  
> 4- Raven Lyre- thelittlebird  
> 5- Jack Stevens- capt.jack.h  
> 6- Alec Trevelyan- Wolf_Cossack  
> 7-James Bond- bloody-buggering-bond  
> 8- Miles Bennet- milesaway  
> 9- Amelia Williams- dine_wine_&_9  
> 10- Thalia Alanis- Athena_10  
> 11- Kai Wilson- 00SomeThingk  
> 12- Thomas Watts- TW12  
> 13- Elizabeth Scott- 1femmefatale3  
> R- Carla Hayley- Khaleesi_is_Queen  
> Q- Altamont (Quillian) Holmes- TheOverlord  
> M (Mallory)- M_allory  
> Eve- moneypant$  
> Tanner: Chief

Three Fuck Situation Featuring: 001, 004, 005, 006, 007, 008, 0013, R, Q and Eve. Mentions 002, 009, 0010.

 

 **TheOverlord** : Welcome to the official MI6 chat. Use on missions only, please. That is directed at @ **1femmefatale3,** @ **thelittlebird** and @ **CrimsonLikeBlood**.

 **CrimsonLikeBlood** : rude

 **thelittlebird** : what about @ **Athena_10** and **dine_wine_ &_9 **

**TheOverlord** : @ **thelittlebird** 009 and 0010 are generally both more mature than you.

 **moneypant$** : what about me?

 **Khaleesi_is_Queen** : So. Tempted. So. So. So... You'd better follow that up, @ **moneypant$**.

 **moneypant$** : ... it isn't fair...

 **bloody-buggering-bond** : @ **TheOverlord** \- and @ **milesaway**. because he's worse than women when it comes to gossip

 **TheOverlord** : ... Less than a minute and already the original and proper purpose is completely ignored.

 **Wolf_Cossack** : Poor q

 **Khaleesi_is_Queen** : *Q. Hi 7, 6. Where's 5?

 **capt.jack.h** : here. hi R

 **Wolf_Cossack** : One letter!

 **1femmefatale3** : What did I miss?

 **CrimsonLikeBlood** : Q being rude, moneypenny singing, bond being bitchy, Q being bitchy, R being anal about capitals and so being bitchy

 **thelittlebird** : _*R’s a grammar nazi* *everyone is bitchy*_

 **TheOverlord** : I will shut this down.

 **Khaleesi_is_Queen** : @ **capt.jack.h** Tell @ **milesaway** to answer his phone please. Chat, email and messages all. And @ **thelittlebird** Point?

 **capt.jack.h** : hes asleep and were next 2 a canal...

 **CrimsonLikeBlood** : yes.

 **moneypant$** : And send a pic

 **capt.jack.h** : kk

 **TheOverlord** : 5, don't you dare.

 **capt.jack.h** : _[8isadrownedrat.png]_ @ **TheOverlord** too late

 **milesaway** : IMMA FUCKIN KILL U

 **CrimsonLikeBlood** : RUN JACK RUN

 **capt.jack.h** : IM RUNNIN

 **bloody-buggering-bond** : who's idea was this?

 **Khaleesi_is_Queen** : What was whose idea? 005, don't you dare drop that phone. And watch out for the lamp posts.

 **Wolf_Cossack** : You are watching them on CCTV? Can I come watch?

 **bloody-buggering-bond** : Who came up with the chat

 **Khaleesi_is_Queen** : @ **Wolf_Cossack** Sure. I've put it on the big screen in the main Q-Branch. @ **bloody-buggering-bond** I believe @ **secondisbest** put forward the idea.

 **thelittlebird** : U have it on the big screen??? Im coming down

 **1femmefatale3** : I'll get the popcorn.

 **moneypant$** : I have a box of malteasers and another of Turkish delight. Plus there's wine in my office that @ **1femmefatale3** got me for my bday- ily sweet one. See ya’ll in five :D

 **Khaleesi_is_Queen** : @ **1femmefatale3** \- Bring lots, this isn't ending for a while. @ **moneypant$** \- I'll get the glasses >:D. They're in the Netherlands by the way, Amsterdam. 8 fell asleep on a park bench, I think he was rather busy last night. The reactions of the civilians are most amusing, they seem to think they're gay lovers having fun.

 **TheOverlord** : @ **Khaleesi_is_Queen** Please stop hacking the Dutch surveillance system, R.

 **capt.jack.h** : TJUS IS NOT FIN

 **capt.jack.h** : IM REHRETTUNH THUS NOW

 **milesaway** : I WILL FIND YOU YOU BASTARD

 **Khaleesi_is_Queen** : Huh. No objections to being called gay. And sure, @ **TheOverlord** , but I'm using the British ones Mycroft Holmes installed last year (no idea why he needs so many...).

 **TheOverlord** : It's Mycroft Holmes. Explanation in itself.

 **Khaleesi_is_Queen** : Those bloody Holmeses :D. Seriously, that's starting to look so gay, **@capt.jack.h, @milesaway.**

 **TheOverlord** : Hilarious R.

 **bloody-buggering-bond** : oh, we all know 8 is gay. He's just not out of the closet yer

 **bloody-buggering-bond** : *yet

 **thelittlebird** : u know its gay when the gay one calls it gay (@ **Khaleesi_is_Queen** )

 **Khaleesi_is_Queen** : @ **thelittlebird** I'm a demisexual-bisexual, but close enough.

 **moneypant$** : get it right @ **thelittlebird**

 **thelittlebird** : @ **moneypant$** f u

 **CrimsonLikeBlood** : this is fucking hilarious tho

 **CrimsonLikeBlood** : look at 5 huddled in his tree. @ **Wolf_Cossack** you going to be a hero and save him?

 **Wolf_Cossack** : _Nyet_. This is too funny.

 **thelittlebird** : @ **milesaway** he's up the big tree

 **capt.jack.h** : RAVEN

 **milesaway** : which one _[lotsoffuckingbigtrees.png]_

 **1femmefatale3** : The Norfolk pine.

 **capt.jack.h** : ELIZABETH

 **milesaway** : left of right

 **milesaway** : *or

 **moneypant$** : right

 **capt.jack.h** : EVE

 **milesaway** : thx

 **capt.jack.h** : FUCK

 **Wolf_Cossack** : You are not running fast enough @ **capt.jack.h**

 **capt.jack.h** : FUCK FUCK FUCK

 **thelittlebird** : ooh, getting serious. three fuck situation

 **bloody-buggering-bond** : where's @ **TheOverlord**?

 **Khaleesi_is_Queen** : Ah. No idea.

 **Khaleesi_is_Queen** : Wait I know. This is always funny.

 **Khaleesi_is_Queen** : @ **TheOverlord** Q-tie q-tie q-tie!

 **Khaleesi_is_Queen** : SHIT! WHAT THE FUCK Q!

 **thelittlebird** : ur right. That is funny

 **thelittlebird** : wait no im sorry R no @ **Khaleesi_is_Queen** pls R pls stop hacking my phone

 **thelittlebird** : im sorry

 **thelittlebird** : R

 **thelittlebird** : pls

 **thelittlebird** : im sorry R pls this isn't funny this is traumatic ill need to see psych i dont like psych

 **Khaleesi_is_Queen** : You mean psych hates you and the rest of the double-ohs.

 **bloody-buggering-bond** : what is happening...?

 **CrimsonLikeBlood** : Q hacked R’s computer screen to Joffrey’s face and Raven started her commentary. so R deleted the pic and hacked Raven’s phone to start playing Joffrey’s dialogue at random moments

 **Wolf_Cossack** : _Eto otvratitel’no!_

 **bloody-buggering-bond** : now isn't that a bit cruel @ **Khaleesi_is_Queen**

 **Khaleesi_is_Queen** : @ **bloody-buggering-bond** \- I regret nothing. @ **Wolf_Cossack** \- _ne tak li_. _On cheryovski urodliv_.

 **Wolf_Cossack** : _Da. Uzhasayushchiye mental'nyye obrazy_.

 **Khaleesi_is_Queen** : _Ty govorish' mne_?

 **1femmefatale3** : R speaks Russian? Since when? Never mind, just, English please.

 **CrimsonLikeBlood** : they're discussing the monstrosity that is Joffrey's face

 **bloody-buggering-bond** : Jack Gleeson is a great actor for him though

 **Khaleesi_is_Queen** : True.

 **milesaway** : ... im surrounded by nerds. Even u bond. Im disappointed in u.

 **CrimsonLikeBlood** : literally the only pop culture reference Bond will ever get tho

 **CrimsonLikeBlood** : and thats bc he ended up in q branch for the GoT marathon

 **bloody-buggering-bond** : ... I resemble that remark.

 **Khaleesi_is_Queen** : You really do. We made an umbrella/crossbow. Project Everdeen. Bond sat there and looked blank.

 **bloody-buggering-bond** : I still don't get it

 **Wolf_Cossack** : Look it up, _glupaya zadnitsa_.

 **1femmefatale3** : Are you sure he knows how?

 **Khaleesi_is_Queen** : Russian is so long. Fifteen letters in Russian for seven in English.

 **bloody-buggering-bond** : @ **1femmefatale3** fuck off.

 **milesaway** : what is happening

 **thelittlebird** : THANK FUCK

 **thelittlebird** : IT SHUT UP

 **thelittlebird** : THANK F U C K

 **thelittlebird** : THANK U @ **Khaleesi_is_Queen** IM SORRY NEVER AGAIN

 **moneypant$** : is @ **capt.jack.h** dead or what

 **capt.jack.h** : ... im dead

 **CrimsonLikeBlood** : lol hi jack u k?

 **capt.jack.h** : like ur not watching the CCTV and laughing. im in a fuckin canal Scarlett

 **CrimsonLikeBlood** : ...lol...

 **milesaway** : _[lookwhosadrownedratnow.png]_

 **bloody-buggering-bond** : ha

 **thelittlebird** : XD

 **Wolf_Cossack** : Poor 5, da :)

 **moneypant$** : this wine is really good. Thx @ **1femmefatale3** xoxo ily :))))

 **1femmefatale3** : You're welcome Evie :D

 **milesaway** : r u idiots drunk already

 **moneypant$** : ......................m.............a.........y..b...................e.....e.....e..................?

 **Khaleesi_is_Queen** : What the hell is in this, @ **1femmefatale3**?

 **1femmefatale3** : idkkkkkkkkk its herman

 **Wolf_Cossack** : German?

 **1femmefatale3** : thas wat I said

 **bloody-buggering-bond** : ...are you faking

 **moneypant$** : ......................m.............a.........y..b...................e.....e.....e..................?

 **milesaway** : did u srsly just write that again dot for dot

 **moneypant$** : I'd say it again but instead: wtf @ **milesaway**

 **moneypant$** : what is this

 **moneypant$** : this miracle thing

 **moneypant$** : this amazing invention

 **moneypant$** : called

 **moneypant$** : copy

 **moneypant$** : and

 **moneypant$** : paste

 **moneypant$** : ????????

 **Wolf_Cossack** : The sarcasm...

 **Khaleesi_is_Queen** : Even whilst drunk... @ **1femmefatale3** stop sassing the minions.

 **1femmefatale3** : nuuuuuu

 **Khaleesi_is_Queen** : It is worth noting that while @ **moneypant$** is actually sober, @ **1femmefatale3** isn't.

 **moneypant$** : I have to get back to work in half an hour, that's why I'm sober.

 **bloody-buggering-bond** : @ **1femmefatale3** since when are you a lightweight?

 **CrimsonLikeBlood** : since she had seven glasses of whatever the hell that was

 **thelittlebird** : @ **capt.jack.h** u alive still

 **capt.jack.h** : im running for my life, still

 **Wolf_Cossack** : @ **Khaleesi_is_Queen** What is it you say when the minions panic and run? Noom?

 **Khaleesi_is_Queen** : NYOOM  
  
**Khaleesi_is_Queen** : NYOOOOOOOOOOOM

 **TheOverlord** : R. No.

 **bloody-buggering-bond** : HE SPEAKS

 **Khaleesi_is_Queen** : R YES

 **thelittlebird** : WHY THE CAPS LOCK

 **CrimsonLikeBlood** : IDK

 **1femmefatale3** : lol hi q

 **Wolf_Cossack** : @ **capt.jack.h** is nyooming. It is quiet funny. @ **TheOverlord** hello Q!

 **TheOverlord** : Hello @ **1femmefatale3** , @ **Wolf_Cossack.** @ **Khaleesi_is_Queen** please stop singing nyoom, @ **CrimsonLikeBlood** , @ **thelittlebird** , please stop encouraging her.

 **CrimsonLikeBlood** : but it's fun

TheOverlord: @ **milesaway** , please stop chasing 005, @ **capt.jack.h** stop terrorising 008. @ **CrimsonLikeBlood** , @ **thelittlebird** , @ **1femmefatale3** , please remove yourselves from my branch. @ **Wolf_Cossack** , you have a mission, please come see me. @ **bloody-buggering-bond** , M wants to see you. Now. @ **Khaleesi_is_Queen** , you have work to do.

 **CrimsonLikeBlood** : the overlord has spoken

 **Khaleesi_is_Queen** : What work, @ **TheOverlord**?

 **TheOverlord** : @ **Khaleesi_is_Queen** Hacking the Americans. Specifically SHIELD. Sending the details now.

Khaleesi_is_Queen: _Hell yes. This_ is gonna be _fun_.  >:D

 **TheOverlord** : @ **Khaleesi_is_Queen** Try not to destroy their economy.

 **Khaleesi_is_Queen** : I make no promises Q.


End file.
